French Manicured Sausage Fingers

At 35 weeks pregnant, most, if not all, of my body is swollen. Lets just say my cankles are nightly fodder for the hubby and my vienna sausage toes uniquely compliment my jimmy dean link fingers.

I need a little prettifying!

... On a budget of $0. I DIYed a french manicure on my doublewide digits - freehand.

Materials:

Cotton ball- 3-4 cotton swabs - Nail polish remover - White nail polish - Sheer light pink polish - Top coat - Patience and a steady hand or a Playing Card and nail clipper

What to do:
Swipe remover over your nail beds to remove any yuck that may be lingering.
Paint the white portion of your nails with white polish. Don't even think about trying to make it pretty. Mine goes up almost halfway into my nail beds.Apply a second coat. Make sure your nails look ridiculous and laugh at 1st grade-approved beauty treatment as it dries.

please excuse my shaky photography and 400 lb. hand

Pour a smidge of remover into the remover cap. I estimate I pour about a teaspoon and a quarter in my little reservoir.
Dip your swab into the remover.
Now the tricky part: Allow the liquid to infiltrate your great white line, then rub the swab in a side to side motion recreating the rounded portion of your nail. You may have to re-polish a couple fingers, especially when working on the hand you write with. You may lose that 30 seconds and never get it back, but you'll feel good when you're done.

Not feeling dextrous because your fingers have swollen so much you can't fit a key ring around one let alone your wedding ring? Take a playing card, I suggest the instructions since no one will notice it is missing from the pack. Using a pair of nail clippers, snip a nice rounded edge off a corner. You now have a template to remove the field of wonky white from your soon to be prettified nail bed.

Once your new "whites" have nearly dried (wait maybe two minutes max) coat your entire nail with a single layer of sheer pink polish. Wait an additional five minutes before you apply a clear top coat for brilliant shine.

Prettied nails on puffy pregnant fingers - look at that thumb! Yikes!

Do not attempt dishes, laundry folding, dog washing, diaper changing or hair styling for as long as you can put them off. Raise your hands in the air and shrug when your husband asks for anything in the next thirty minutes... or more. You deserve a break, ask him to feed you grapes while you recline, waiting for the paint to dry on your marshmallow-puffed hands. Or grab a mug of cocoa with actual marshmallows - the big ones you are actually supposed to roast over a campfire - and watch last week's episode of Revenge.

Hot Cocoa may not reduce swelling but it makes mommy's happy.