French Manicured Sausage Fingers

At 35 weeks pregnant, most, if not all, of my body is swollen. Lets just say my cankles are nightly fodder for the hubby and my vienna sausage toes uniquely compliment my jimmy dean link fingers.

I need a little prettifying!

... On a budget of $0. I DIYed a french manicure on my doublewide digits - freehand.

Materials:

Cotton ball- 3-4 cotton swabs - Nail polish remover - White nail polish - Sheer light pink polish - Top coat - Patience and a steady hand or a Playing Card and nail clipper

What to do:
Swipe remover over your nail beds to remove any yuck that may be lingering.
Paint the white portion of your nails with white polish. Don't even think about trying to make it pretty. Mine goes up almost halfway into my nail beds.Apply a second coat. Make sure your nails look ridiculous and laugh at 1st grade-approved beauty treatment as it dries.

please excuse my shaky photography and 400 lb. hand

Pour a smidge of remover into the remover cap. I estimate I pour about a teaspoon and a quarter in my little reservoir.
Dip your swab into the remover.
Now the tricky part: Allow the liquid to infiltrate your great white line, then rub the swab in a side to side motion recreating the rounded portion of your nail. You may have to re-polish a couple fingers, especially when working on the hand you write with. You may lose that 30 seconds and never get it back, but you'll feel good when you're done.

Not feeling dextrous because your fingers have swollen so much you can't fit a key ring around one let alone your wedding ring? Take a playing card, I suggest the instructions since no one will notice it is missing from the pack. Using a pair of nail clippers, snip a nice rounded edge off a corner. You now have a template to remove the field of wonky white from your soon to be prettified nail bed.

Once your new "whites" have nearly dried (wait maybe two minutes max) coat your entire nail with a single layer of sheer pink polish. Wait an additional five minutes before you apply a clear top coat for brilliant shine.

Prettied nails on puffy pregnant fingers - look at that thumb! Yikes!

Do not attempt dishes, laundry folding, dog washing, diaper changing or hair styling for as long as you can put them off. Raise your hands in the air and shrug when your husband asks for anything in the next thirty minutes... or more. You deserve a break, ask him to feed you grapes while you recline, waiting for the paint to dry on your marshmallow-puffed hands. Or grab a mug of cocoa with actual marshmallows - the big ones you are actually supposed to roast over a campfire - and watch last week's episode of Revenge.

Hot Cocoa may not reduce swelling but it makes mommy's happy.

Trade Off for the Newly Expecting Couple

When you finally break down in tears and beg Husband to open the vault that is a teeny bank account because your pants may be strangling the fetus inside, it is time to take initiative (and the credit card) to Macy's. I am not a therapeutic shopper; the demon checkbook says "Awwww, hail no!" I am certainly not a casual shopper, though I try to be a bargain one. On Saturday afternoon, Happy Husband took me to Goodwill for a shopping spree. Notification: Not all Goodwill Stores are created equal... read: some of them smell like mothballs and bengay joint cream and require those with super noses, like myself, to evacuate premises immediately. I toughed it out for 20 minutes browsing the Pregnant Octagenarians rack in the back of shop.

Not recommended as perfume

We hauled my leggings bedecked booty out of there and went across town to a consignment kids shop. Pregnant women do not wear tapered jeans, so they should be burned and not sold in stores, second hand or not; I prefer to sleep in tents under the stars, not to wear ones that were knitted in the 70s (also with the faint pesticide odor of prior owner).  Just because my belly is huge doesn't mean I intend for my butt to appear larger, too. Also, am I full-on cray-cray to consider a previously owned juggs milker, if I buy brand new replacement parts that actually touch my skin and baby sustenance? This thing usually costs over $300 new and I can get it for $89 if I wait until the end of the month. Is this preggo brain, or good thrifting?

via

After a delicious sandwich across the street, Hubster drove me halfway back across town to THE MALL! Egads! It has been forever since I stepped in there. The craving for Auntie Anne's pretzels and Cinnabon were nearly overwhelming. I stayed focused until we came to the corner of Macy's that houses their Motherhood Collection. Wanted to buy EVERYTHING, but purchased two pairs of gorgeous work pants that fit like a spandex glove over this house sized belly. I maneuvered our way to the baby clothes section and pointed out that we need little shirts that snap on the side when we bring our bundle of joy home from the hospital, "That way it doesn't hurt the soft little head or rub the little stump," I said. "Stump?! Stump?!!" Husband was slightly alarmed that seemed to have told him forgotten something. "Yeah, the part of the umbilical cord that hangs on for a little while. Its stuck to the belly button," I explained in perfect medicalese. "That'ssooo nasty. I'm going to puke," he enlightened me. "Yep, it gets all crusty and gross then falls off after about a couple weeks. Some people even keep it in scrapbooks." He looked like he was going to pass out under the bibs. The joys of freaking out a future father; you can't put a price on it.

The stump I'm talking about looks a little different (no daffodils)

We get home and Hubs is feeling the sting of not having any toys. So he purchased some video games and proceeded to play them for hours as soon as Amazon delivered them to the house. You just enjoy them while it lasts, sweetums. When baby cry, daddy cry too. Mommy nearly cried too when she found out the white preggie pants were freakin' see-through. Nothing like a brazen pregnant-out-to-here hussy walking around the children's museum with her granny panties seen clear through the be-hind. Looking fierce coming and going... back to the mall... to get Cinnabon... and pretzel...

Or maybe a donut will do? Mmmmm... Donuts

Throwback

I have been in love with style from the 40s and 50s my entire life. There was so much glamour at a time when money was scarce and spirits needed lifting. All a girl could do was doll up her hair slap on red lipstick and face the world guns blazing. My stylist in AZ, Sabrina, completely gets my 40s fascination; she's been known to sport a victory roll once or twice before. She organized my last photoshoot in the Southwest days before I moved eastward. She styled me up with gorgeous hair and make-up. Her fiance, Elvis Castilo took some incredible shots. I had so much fun; I left wanting more!

Now if only I could look like this everyday!

Beauty is in the EYEBROW of the Beholder

Another makeup product I don't think I will be able to live without:
Benefit Brow-Zings!

Buy me here!

I use "Dark" as my hair is nearly black. You dip a teeny angles brush into wax, which keeps your brows in place all day long, and then use the teeny blending brush to gently apply the eyebrow powder to fill in sparse areas. It also has a teeny lil' tweezer for the in-between wax sessions. Beautiful! I get tons of compliments on my brows, even when I go too long between waxing them. Another bonus is that it lasts FOR.EV.ER! The price freaked me out until the makeup artist said she has had hers for almost a year and it is still going. I keep the little plastic thingy over the wax and powder to keep the mirror clean and keep the wax from drying out.

I am crazy about Benefit. Admittedly, this is probably because I get sucked in by the adorable packaging and feisty product names. I am a sucker for quality branding!

Which may also explain my devotion to Benefit's BadGal lash Mascara! It does its ultra-volumizing job, yet it doesn't clump. How can this be? I don't know, and I don't care. I am now a devotee this wonder-product! My eyes are my favorite feature and choose to play them up when I "see" fit (tee hee hee).

And then buy me here!

I will eventually post photos of me wearing these products. Before and Afters, perchance? We shall see.
What makes you feel gorgeous?

How Very Bridal of me

Le Jour Vingt et Un

A Photo of Me

May 1, 2010, approximately 20 minutes before I became a Mrs.

I'm going through a red lipstick phase...

I am a super-freak fan of the Big Band/Swing era. I love the clothes, the music, the hair, the red lipstick. For Halloween this year Happy Husband and I dressed as the nurse and sailor in the Times Square photo taken at the end of WWII. I should have practiced victory rolls (the gorgeous hairstyle sported at the time) before we went out. All I have to say is, I have even more respect for my Grandmothers who did their hair like that all the time!

I asked hubby dearest if I could wear my hair and makeup like that every weekend and he just gave me a funny look. I'm still going to wear my beloved red lipstick every weekend; it is a good phase to be in.

Adieu!

Listening to: "Mad World" by Gary Jules

For the love of Eyeliner

I am a huge fan of black eyeliner. Having discovered the powers of rimmed eyes in eighth grade, I can safely say that it has been a staple in my makeup arsenal for most of my life. I used to go heavy and line the entire eye, even pressing it into the inner rims everyday creating a sultry weekend look. Nowadays I line just the top. Liking a bold and dark lash line, I have used a liquid liner couples with a Q-tip to erase my inevitable mistakes. Two weeks ago I purchased Maybelline Gel Eyeliner in Blackest Black. It is my absolute favorite new product.

• It has serious staying power, lasting through a nine hour work day and an hour run in temperatures over 100 degrees.
• The color is bold and pigmented.
• The brush creates a perfect line and a great cat-eye.

Hair Miracle

Behold! My new favorite shampoo/conditioner combo!

My hair, skin, and nails have become very dry and brittle (well maybe not my skin, but I bet if skin could be brittle, mine would find a way) over the past five years. Shiny, lustrous, healthy... are not words to describe my hair. I have tried many hair care products that promised me beauty, but delivered beast.

I envy women with styling talent. My style is a wash and go (wet and stringy). I am a low maintenance girl whose hair will find its way into an ouchless ponytail or bun at least three hours from waking. My latest foray into products left me miserable. My straight hair turned haggered and lifeless. If a baseball cap were acceptable sales office attire, it would never leave my head.

A lunch break of hair care product reviews later... I found what I had been waiting for! Argan Oil! Sally Beauty Supplies offers Proclaim Argan Oil Shampoo and Conditioner. I called the store down the street from my place of business, had the associate hold it for me, and purchased it ($13 total!).

Glorious! My hair finally feels soft and looks luminous. Love!

An adorable note: Happy Husband, to my great suprise, listened to me sulk over the possibility of shaving my head, picked up several product samples at a friend's salon to surprise me. He said he would love me bald if it came down to it, but prefers me happy with another arsenal of beauty supplies (even if they take over the entire bathroom vanity). He listens and he loves. I am truly blessed.