Double Charlie Horse and a Split Rib

It seems that almost every morning I wake up with pretty awesome pains in both my calves. They are super sore as if I have did a serious session of sleep-exercising (any AbFab fans out there? yes? no?). It appears I have been getting major cramps when I sleep in both legs. This makes my 3am potty breaks a practice in wobble walking when trying to navigate around my very pointy, very hard furniture with my eyes closed.

Remy's having no pains at all, but he feels bad for Mommy

For the past month I have had a pain in my right back ribs. Usually it is a constant, dull ache. I liken it to someone pulling my ribs apart. I no liken it at all.

What can a mama to be do to make these ouchies go bye-bye (practicing baby talk for Baby H's debut)? My doctor says to drink more water for my calves to quit cramping. If I drink any more water I will have to move my desk into the restroom; I already have to pee every time I stand up, I might as well just diaper myself. My Helpful Hubby suggested I do some impossible yoga stretches. My baby birthing books suggest sleeping on my side may be to blame, but I should ONLY sleep on my side as laying on one's back is absolutely forbidden. Mommies on blogs say, "Suck it up, you can't do anything about it." Okay, so those are my words, not theirs.

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At least I can giggle when I think of Charlie Horse and instantly imagine the sock puppet from "Lamb Chop's Play-Along"